More On Relationship Intelligence - RQ

Landing in High Cotton


When I was a kid growing up in South Carolina and then Georgia people would say, “He’s landed in high cotton” when someone was successful in his or her life. This was the land of cotton farming and if your cotton was high then you were doing well. Of course being a curious person I wondered why some people’s cotton was high and white and some couldn't seem to produce a good crop come hell or high water. Was one person simply luckier than others or was there more to it than that?

One of my uncles was a cotton farmer and I paid attention to what he did and said as I grew up. What I noticed with him was he did the work of tending his farm and did not rely on luck or mother nature. What he let me see was that in most cases there is a lot more to success in life, whether it’s cotton farming or having great relationships, than just being lucky. In fact, what I found when I thought about it was that these two things have a lot in common.

The cotton farmer takes farming seriously. He studies his craft. He looks at other successful cotton farmers and sees what has worked for them and what has not. He chooses the right environment – you don’t see cotton farms in places where it’s too cold or too dry like Colorado or New Mexico. He makes sure he has the best seed available and he plants his seed in a good field, one that has not been over planted or leached of all its’ top soil. He then fertilizes it with the right nutrients and if necessary he uses an irrigation system when nature does not cooperate with enough rain. Once the little seedlings begin to burst through the soil he goes out with his hoe and digs out the weeds. He also walks his fields on a daily basis to make sure no pests such as boll weevils have taken over and if he sees evidence he immediately begins a process to rid his precious little plants of this evil.

Well, a relationship is not that different than being a good cotton farmer. If you want a great relationship, whether we are talking about a romantic one, a friendship or a work related one here are some things to consider:

· Study successful relationships – figure out what makes them great and learn how to do those things yourself.

· Choose the right environment – different people thrive in different environments so plant yourself in the right environment for you and you will meet other people like you – city people like other city people – country people like country people, sports types like other sports types – culture types like culture types and so on. Find the environment that feeds your soul and you will find like minded people there who will want to create relationships with you.

· Make sure the seeds you are planting will produce the kind of fruit you desire. If you want long-term relationships, whether this is romantic, friendship or work, make sure you plant seeds that produce that kind of relationship. If you keep planting annuals when you want perennials, then I don’t think you’ll be happy. You also need to screen the seeds you use – not every person you come in contact with will produce the kind of relationship you want so make sure you sort through these people before you go out to your field and start planting.

· Planting in the right field means not picking someone or a place to work where the track record of that person or organization is iffy. If the person has lots of failed relationships or the company is a dinosaur meaning it has not re-tooled in a long time and is simply living on it’s past reputation and is no longer moving forward then these are probably not good fields in which to plant your seeds.

· Like the farmer, once you have planted your seeds you need to tend and maintain the relationship. What this means is that you pay daily attention to it. This could mean all kinds of things from a ritual of checking in with each other at the beginning and ending of each day. It could mean making sure you note any conflicts that seem to be brewing in your work or friendships. It also means that you tend the relationships you have by feeding them the nutrients they need to flourish. You would not feed a cotton plant the same kind of fertilizer you’d feed a tomato plant and relationships are no different. But unlike a cotton plant, a relationship is with a living breathing human being and this actually makes it easier since you can simply ask them what they need in order to bear fruit for you.

· Tending the relationship also means that you must be on the lookout for infestations of negativity and dissatisfaction. If one is not tending the relationship on a daily basis this kind of thing can go unnoticed for a long time and then one day you see that the relationship is sick and in some cases, terminal. This is why the farmer does not plant his seeds, fertilize them, set the irrigation system on automatic and then go on a long summer vacation. He knows it takes constant attention and care to bring his cotton into full bloom so his yield will be great.

What all this means is that if you want to be in high cotton think of yourself as a farmer who is planting a relationship field with the right seed, in the right field, with the right nutrients and fertilizer and who is dedicated to tending and maintaining it. With these few simply ideas learned from watching my uncle the cotton farmer, your relationship will grow and prosper year after year and you will be in high cotton in no time. Happy Relationship Tending!

Blessings, Lorraine